Everyone knows what it means to be an extrovert and what it means to be an introvert. We’re taught to celebrate extroverts and protect introverts. But what about us folk in the middle?
I am an ambivert
ambivert
ˈambɪvəːt/
noun
1. (psychology) a person who is intermediate between an extrovert and an introvert
Naturally, I appear to be an extrovert; I rarely have an issue voicing my opinion and often when I’m in a loud room, it’s usually loud because I’m being loud. I would tell people that I thought I was an introvert and they’d look at me like, ‘Lornette, have you met you?’ I didn’t know how to explain that my actions didn’t always match what was happening in my head, until I read Quiet by Susan Cain (I’d highly recommend it).
The ambivert struggle
First thing you should know about me: I have a GCSE in drama, an A Level in Performance Studies and a degree in Musical Theatre — ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ is a philosophy I’ve lived by for years and I’m literally trained in it. Good job I work in PR then…
PR as an industry is an extrovert’s playground and an introvert’s naughty corner. It’s all about being social — meeting this journalist, schmoozing this client, working this room and that event. To many great PRs, that all comes naturally and they live for it. As an ambivert, I can engage in and enjoy it all up to a certain point.
You know on Christmas Day when you’ve very clearly put way too much food on your plate and you get that uncomfortably full feeling? That’s me, but with human interaction — I can literally be uncomfortably full on people. I can get to a point in a day/week/month where I literally cannot take another event or night out, sometimes even a conversation is too much. Imagine being a PR who can’t have a conversation… makes for a really fun status meeting.
The coping mechanisms
More often than not you can spot an introvert a mile off — you just know, you know? You can always tell when you’re dealing with an extrovert because they’ll probably tell you. Us ambi-folk are a bit harder to spot — our mannerisms will depend on how ‘full’ or ‘un-full’ we are at the time. As I said, I’m trained in the art of theatre, so there are many times when I’m “full” and faking it. Sometimes, though, that just doesn’t work so I’ve worked out a few tricks to help me get through:
The charging up: I can think of little worse than looking at my diary for the week and seeing that I’m scheduled to go to some sort of social event every evening. It genuinely makes me panic because it means I have no time to recharge and chances are by the time I get to event number 3, I’ll be a full-blown arms-crossed-standing-in-the-corner-hoping-no-one-talks-to-me introvert.
I know that I have to give myself space and time to ‘digest’ people time so I try to spend at least one evening a week at home.
Finding my sweet spot: Sometimes I need total and complete silence to get any work done or focus on anything. Chaos can be perfect, but other times I need something somewhere between the two. I can need a different level of stimulation each day of the week. I’ve learned to identify which situation I need and, better yet, how to create it no matter what my surroundings are. I work in an open plan office, so the ability to create my own micro-environment is essential. I have noise cancelling headphones which are perfect for creating the in between; I can hear sounds but can’t pick out individual conversations so stimulation stays at a medium level. (And people think I can’t hear them, so generally just won’t try and talk to me. Also means I can’t hear when Jolene has decided to sing Bleeding Love when we’re clearly listening to Blank Space.)
Letting myself off the hook: If I’m “full”, I’m “full” and there’s nothing I can really do but wait for that to pass. I used to be really hard on myself, forcing myself to stay social even when I knew I’d had enough. That did me no favours whatsoever — I’d be exhausted, anxious and very snappy. I’ve learned to embrace my digestion time now. I quite enjoy it actually as it gives me an excuse to pour a glass of wine and enjoy a binge watch courtesy of Shonda Rhimes (if you don’t know, get to know and thank me immediately).
To cut a long story short; being an ambivert in PR isn’t easy, especially since most people don’t even know what an ambivert is.
Next time you extroverts come across someone full of chat on Monday and ignoring you on Wednesday, try to remember it could have nothing to do with you, they could just be “full” and cut them some slack. They’re not rude, they’re an ambivert.